


Behind the Shadow

by silkmoth



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-10
Updated: 2011-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-14 15:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/150796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkmoth/pseuds/silkmoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin groaned; his head hurt like hell and there was an annoying voice, saying his name over and over again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Shadow

**Behind the Shadow**

  
Merlin groaned; his head hurt like hell and there was an annoying voice, saying his name over and over again. He opened his eyes and shrunk back; whoa, someone was _very_ close. His eyes finally focused and he saw a real weird looking Crown Prince with hair standing up on end hovering over him.

“Merlin? Merlin?”

“Yeah. Stop yelling, my head hurts.”

“I guess it would,” Arthur said and sat back onto his heels. “He knocked you out pretty hard.”

Merlin sat up slowly; he felt around for awhile through his hair and winced. There was a large bump on the back of his head.

“Who knocked me out? I can’t remember a thing… the last I do remember is that we were hunting? You were after that boar and then…nothing. Did you get it? What happened? And where are we?”

Arthur sighed. “That boar wasn’t a boar. It turned into an old man right in front of my eyes. And before I could do a thing, he beat you over the head with some kind of staff and then he kind of… froze me. I couldn’t move a muscle.”

“The boar turned into a man?”

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m telling you, that’s what happened. And stop grinning like an idiot, sorcery isn’t funny.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Still, it’s… okay, not funny at all.”

Merlin looked around and after taking in his surroundings, he had to agree with Arthur, it really wasn’t funny. They were in some kind of room; it looked like the dungeons in Camelot with one exception… there was no door. Nowhere. Just a weirdly blurry looking window far above them, that was all.

“How did we get in here?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know? Did he knock you out, too?”

“No. We just… I don’t know. We were in the woods and then, in the next moment, we were here and that old guy was gone. You know, I wonder why did he knock _you_ out? I was the one with the sword; by the way, I still have it.” Arthur pointed to his sword, lying right beside him. “So why you?”

“No idea,” Merlin answered, cringing inwardly. Obviously the other warlock had somehow noticed that Merlin had his own magic. So better to knock the other warlock out; a sword wouldn’t really scare another sorcerer. “Hey, maybe I really look more dangerous than you?”

“Well, he was an old man. Maybe he was short sighted?”

“Funny. So what now?”

“I don’t know. Since I couldn’t make you wake up, I tried to climb up to that window, but after two yards or so I… I’m not sure if I can explain it. I _bumped_ into something. It was a strange feeling… I can’t really tell. I kind of jerked and fell down; it shook me all over.”

“Is that the reason why your hair is standing up?”

Arthur immediately touched his hair and winced; there was a sizzling sound. “I guess,” he said. “It feels the same, just a lot less powerful. It had to be some sort of magic shield.”

Merlin stood up slowly and started to feel his way around their prison. He couldn’t sense any magic at all, just the rough stone walls. If this was really a magical place, things weren’t so bad. By now, Merlin was very sure he could overcome any magic, so he just had to wait for Arthur to fall asleep and then he would get them out somehow. After he had surrounded the whole room and met up with Arthur again, the other man raised an eyebrow.

“Satisfied?”

Merlin ignored the sarcastic tone and answered, “yes. Is there any food or water?”

“Yes, Merlin, I have it here in my pocket. You just saw the whole room… did you see any food?”

Gods, the prince was in a foul mood. He always was when it came down to handling magic; Arthur resented everything he couldn’t kill or brawl with.

“Fine,” Merlin said and sat down on the straw again. “So what now?”

“We’ll wait,” Arthur said. “I just bet this guy wants something from my father. Whatever it is, we will soon see the knights of Camelot here.”

***

Well, the only thing they did see in the next hours was two torches appearing on one of the walls. Knights, not so much.

Merlin had originally planned to wait for Arthur to go to sleep; now he would be glad if he himself would get some rest. But the prince was pacing back and forth in front of him, getting on his nerves, and Merlin was _hungry_.

“Arthur, would you please stop that?”

“Shut up. I don’t understand why they aren’t here yet. We weren’t so far away from the castle…”

“And that matters why? Who knows how far away this place is?”

“Could you…”

“Good evening.”

Merlin sat up and Arthur spun around. On the opposite wall of the room stood a tall old man. White hair, white beard, black clothes, black cape. Merlin was creeped out at once. He had never felt so much raw power in another being; not even in Nimueh or Cornelius Sigan. While he still sat gaping at the stranger, Arthur bent down and drew his sword.

“Arthur, don’t…”

Too late. The prince swung forward and crashed into something invisible close to the warlock. There was again that sizzling sound, much louder than before, and Arthur was thrown backwards, banging into the stone wall and falling down. Merlin scrambled over to him quickly, but he didn’t have to worry; Arthur was obviously fine, just his hair reached new levels at standing up on end.

“Prince Arthur, please hold your peace. There is no need for you to get hurt; and you won’t be able to hurt me.”

Arthur, who by now had gotten his feet under him, started again at once in the direction of the black clothed man. With all his might, Merlin grabbed his arm and drew him back. He couldn’t stop the prince from shouting, though.

“What do you want, asshole? Who are you?”

Merlin winced at the insult, but the warlock didn’t seem to mind. He smiled a strangely gentle smile at Arthur that made Merlin’s skin crawl. Gods, another mad sorcerer who was trying to get his hands on the prince.

“My name is Aneirin, Prince Arthur. And for what I want…” the old man’s smile deepened. “One could say you are here to learn a lesson. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Oh spare me, alright? Just send someone with your demands to my father. I am sure he will pay whatever you want.”

Aneirin’s face hardened. “I want nothing from _Uther_.” The way he spat the King’s name, Merlin could guess there was some history between the two men. That was just great. A sorcerer who knew Uther personally? That didn’t bode well at all for the King’s son.

“Of course you don’t.” Arthur’s smile was full of defiance. “So all you want is me to learn a lesson? Whatever it is, tell me and then let us go.”

Aneirin smiled again. “You misunderstood me, Prince Arthur. You both have to learn. And I’m afraid, I can’t help you with the most important lesson. You have to figure that one out on your own. But I can give you a place to start. As you may have seen by now, there is no food and water here. And I won’t give you any.”

“Are you mad? What, you want us to die of thirst? What kind of lesson is this?”

“Prince Arthur, calm down, please. This isn’t the lesson.” Aneirin turned slightly and for the first time, he looked directly at Merlin. The moment their eyes met, Merlin’s heartbeat doubled. He just knew he wouldn’t like what would come next.

Aneirin’s smile changed slightly, it became a little taunting. “There is no need for me to provide you with food and water; your manservant can do this. Because you should know, Prince Arthur, your manservant is a warlock, too.”

With that, Aneirin vanished from their sight and left behind a stunned looking Arthur and a warlock who felt suddenly sick to his stomach.

***

Merlin had trouble breathing properly; the only thing he could clearly see was the sword still in Arthur’s hand. This was so not a good moment for Arthur to learn about him; and he knew however he tried to deny it, Arthur wouldn’t believe him. Merlin could already feel the heat in his face, he had blushed all over. He swallowed and tried to remember a spell to protect himself without hurting the prince.

Merlin watched Arthur turning around slowly, staring at him. He looked up and… Gods. He had been right. Arthur had lost his stunned look and stared at him, eyes full of betrayal, rage and… disgust. Shit.

“Is what he said true? Are you a warlock?”

Merlin just looked at him, noticing that Arthur’s sword hand was trembling. He nodded. A minute later, Arthur raised the sword, coming his way, and Merlin leaned back against the wall behind him and stared at the prince who now stood right before him. Inwardly, his heart was breaking. The look on Arthur’s face… he couldn’t bear it. He would rather be dead.

For a few seconds, neither man moved. Then Arthur blinked a few times, lowered the sword and backed off. He was completely white in the face, still staring at Merlin with suspiciously bright eyes. Then he suddenly flung the sword on the floor, staggered into one corner and threw up, violently. Merlin watched him, blinking away his own tears. This was the end, the end of everything between them. What none of the others had achieved, Aneirin had managed with a few words. He had broken both of them, destroyed their future, destroyed everything.

Arthur spat on the floor a few times more, then he swiped his mouth with his sleeve, took a few steps away from the mess and slid down on the wall farest away from Merlin, hugging himself. He didn’t look at his manservant even once. Merlin opened his mouth and closed it again. There was nothing to say. Nothing.

Merlin sat down himself, shaking all over. For the longest time, there was no sound except the harsh breathing of Arthur. Then there was a sudden sizzling flash and the vomit on the floor vanished. Arthur startled and looked up, first at the corner and then at Merlin out of red-rimmed eyes.

“What, have you been bothered by the smell? I’m so sorry, warlock.”

“Arthur, I didn’t do this. It had to be…”

“Stop calling me by my name. Stop talking to me. Why are you still here anyway? I just bet you could just magick yourself out of here. Just fuck off, okay?”

“Ar… Sire, I don’t even know if I can get out of here. And even if I can, I wouldn’t leave you behind. You have to know this!”

“I obviously know nothing at all, warlock. Alright, tell me. What was your plan? What did you want to achieve by being my manservant all those months? What are beings like you after? Power? My soul? Or was it just for a good laugh? Becoming my friend and…” Arthur’s voice broke.

Merlin blinked again and felt the first tears escaping and running down his cheeks. He trembled even more as he tried to find words to reach out with to Arthur.

“Arthur, please. Please you have to know I would never hurt you. Look, I… when I first met you, I thought you an ass. I told you. And when your father made me your manservant I wasn’t exactly overjoyed, same as you. But afterwards, when I got to know you, I… I… I started to like you. And… then so many evil people or magical beings were trying to get to you and I… I just wanted to protect you. Arthur, that’s all I’ve ever really wanted… I want to keep you safe.”

Merlin looked desperately at the prince, who stared back at him for a moment.

“I told you not to call me Arthur anymore.”

Lowering his head on his knees, Merlin just nodded and said hoarsely, “I understand, Sire.”

***

Some time later, Merlin lay on his side, curled into a ball and tried to sleep. It didn’t work at all. He was hungry and thirsty, and his thoughts tumbled over themselves in his mind.

They hadn’t spoken another word to each other in the last hours, and Merlin was afraid Arthur would never _really_ speak with him again. Not as he had before. Arthur… Gods, if he –Merlin- was hungry and thirsty, he didn’t want to know how the prince felt by now. After all, he had been sick to the stomach… he had to be really hungry by now, not to mention the fact that he probably had an awful taste in his mouth. Merlin could hear that Arthur also wasn’t sleeping; his breathing rhythm was erratic. After the sorcerer did some more thinking, he sat up. It wouldn’t matter so much if he did some magic, would it? Things couldn’t get worse anyway.

First things first. If he managed to get them out somehow, maybe Arthur wouldn’t be so mad afterwards. So Merlin started to climb the wall himself; from the corner of his eyes he saw Arthur turning around, watching him. As Arthur had said, Merlin soon was stopped by something invisible. He didn’t get jostled and there was no sizzling sound, but… it was weird. He pushed against the see-through barricade and it actually gave way, but just a little. It was pliant but Merlin couldn’t get through. Again, the feeling of the unbelievable magical power he sensed made him tremble a bit. But he had to try, _he had to_.

Merlin concentrated, summoning his own power, feeling it crackle around him. Arthur below him had sat up by now. With an enormous push, Merlin threw his magic against the shield; the world getting red before his eyes. That earned him a reaction, alright. He was thrown backwards and downwards; he landed on his back on the stone floor, barely cushioned by the straw. Aftershocks were playing over his body, making him writhe on the ground. He couldn’t catch his breath. Suddenly Arthur was beside him, reaching out for him. Merlin whimpered, “No!”, but again, he was too late. The prince took his arm and was immediately thrown backwards himself, landing a few yards from Merlin on the floor himself.

For awhile, both men lay there panting. Then Merlin picked himself up, and threw a glance at Arthur.

“You alright?”

The prince sat up slowly, combing through his hair. He just nodded.

Okay, two things were clear. Firstly, Merlin had no chance in hell to break through that shield; secondly, Arthur was still not speaking to him. The latter was so more disappointing. But there was still another way to break free; Merlin raised a hand, whispered the breaking spell and threw it against the stone wall. He could have just petted it; nothing was happening at all. Repeating it again and again, Merlin felt sweat break out on his forehead. He knew he was exhausting himself but he couldn’t stop.

“Stop! Merlin, stop it!”

Suddenly weak in the knees, Merlin would have gone down if not for Arthur, who –again- had grabbed his arm and held him up. Merlin turned slightly and looked at the prince.

“What are you doing? Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?”

Arthur let him go just to grab him again at once, because Merlin indeed started to go down; the prince supported the sorcerer until he sat on the floor, then he backed off slowly.

“You want to kill yourself, warlock? I doubt that was the lesson what’s his name had in mind.”

“His name is Aneirin.”

“Thank’s for telling me. That’s really important.”

Merlin could have been pointing out to Arthur that the name could be important, some time later. If they could get away from here, and the prince could talk to his father about it. He was sure Uther would recognize the name. And while he was thinking of Uther…

“Why do you care if I’m dead or alive? If I die here, neither you nor your father would have to be bothered with killing me.”

Arthur stared at him for awhile, then he huffed.

“I don’t want to spoil the fun my father will have with you, warlock.”

Merlin felt as if Arthur had just taken a whip and beat him with it. Looking up at the prince, he started to smile, a nasty smile.

“Really? What do you think he will do to me, _Arthur_? Will he burn me on a stake, _Arthur_? Hack my head off? Do you think he will torture me before killing me, _Arthur_?”

By now, Arthur had gotten pale. He took a step towards Merlin, snapping “I told you to stop calling me that!”

“Then make me, _Arthur_!”

A second later, both of them were rolling on the floor, kicking, beating, shoving. Arthur was way stronger than Merlin, but Merlin was way meaner than Arthur. So, after a few minutes, both parted, bruised all over, and stared at each other.

Merlin had already lost any interest in brawling with Arthur; their relationship was bad enough right now. There was no sense at all in beating each other up.

Arthur on the other hand…

“That’s all you can do?” The prince wheezed. “I just knew you’re a wimp; and your magic is pathetic, too. You’re no use for no one.”

Merlin jumped on his feet, making Arthur actually stumble back a few steps. The sorcerer knew his eyes had changed colour because the prince looked scared.

“I’ll show you…” Merlin broke off, turned around and laid his head against the stone wall. Again he felt tears stinging in his eyes. _Gods, what am I doing? What is happening here?_ He took a deep breath, then another. He had to calm down, he couldn’t dare to lose it with Arthur.

There was only silence behind him.

Merlin took another breath and turned around. He didn’t look at Arthur, just raised his hand again and concentrated. A moment later, there was a blanket on the floor. On the blanket, there was a bottle with water, two cups, bread and cheese. Still keeping his eyes averted from the prince, Merlin went over, took one cup and filled it with water. Then he grabbed a piece of bread, some cheese and the cup and retreated to one corner of the dungeon cell. He started eating and ignored Arthur completely, who after awhile also went to the blanket and took whatever he needed.

 

***

 

The next two days were awful for Merlin. Nothing happened. Nothing. The single highlight had been Arthur breaking his sword while he had been trying to hack a hole in the stone wall.

Aneirin hadn’t appeared again; and Arthur had spoken exactly three words to Merlin in two days. On the first day, after they had both woken up, Merlin had asked what he wanted for breakfast. Arthur had answered, “I don’t care.” When the sorcerer had asked again after a few hours the prince had just shrugged.

Right now Merlin had stopped asking; he just had magicked food. Some things, like meat, cheese, bread and water were easy. Other things, like fruits, especially grapes, were bloody difficult to manage. But since Merlin knew how much Arthur loved grapes, he had tried again and again, until they had appeared. His very own, very futile peace offering. The prince had noticed how much Merlin had had to work for the grapes, of course. Alone the swearing had had to clue him in. But he hadn’t commented, and Merlin had just bit his lips and had said nothing. At least the prince had eaten them. _That has to count for something_ , Merlin had thought, even is this had been an extremely pathetic thought.

Another thing beside the torches had appeared on their first morning here. At first Merlin had thought it some sort of very small well… but they had both soon learned that it was a latrine. It was a little higher than a chair and went straight down to the stone floor, on the out and inside. No matter what went in there, it had vanished at once. Of course, about a minute after they had found out this, Arthur had tried to wriggle himself into it, not answering Merlin’s question if the prince would like to vanish right into a magical dungheap. Arthur had actually managed to get in, and, to his disappointment and Merlin’s relief, nothing had happened. It hadn’t been quite so easy to get out afterwards, but since the prince hadn’t asked, Merlin hadn’t helped.

At the evening of their third day, when the torches had caught fire, Merlin had noticed that Arthur hadn’t eaten anything at all; he had just drank some water. Merlin had looked over to the other man and had seen that Arthur seemed to be pale. The sorcerer couldn’t be sure because Arthur had still been sitting at the furthest place from Merlin, on the opposite corner of their prison. Merlin had known that it wouldn’t get him an answer if he asked… and he had been so sick of hearing nothing than silence from the prince. So he hadn’t asked, just had lain down and turned his face to the wall.

***

Merlin woke up to someone coughing. Badly coughing. _Gaius_? He sat up, rubbed his face and looked around in the dark. For a moment, he didn’t know where he was. Then everything came back to him. Aneirin, the reveal of his magic, the last days, Arthur… _Arthur_! He turned around, lit the torches with one glance and saw the prince doubled over on the floor; coughing loudly and wheezing at the same time. He sounded and looked terrible.

At once, Merlin scrambled over to the other man, noticing that Arthur wasn’t only coughing, he was trembling all over. Merlin laid a hand on his forehead, already worrying. Gods, Arthur was burning up. Merlin damned himself for not asking a few hours before; how could he have been so stupid?

For a moment he just sat beside Arthur, petting his back and trying to think of _something_ to do. His brain, as always when he was frightened, was empty. After some blank staring, he started to remember at least a few things. He had often enough accompanied Gaius when the old physician had treated patients; and Merlin knew a few things that had to be done with someone who had a fever running. Sadly, it was a small list. _Keep him comfortable. Keep him warm. Cool him down, then get him warm again. Make him drink, as much as possible. Wait for Gaius and his medicine… shit._

Merlin closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the wheezing sounds Arthur made. Then he opened them again, full of determination. After a flick of his hand, a bed appeared on the longer side of the stone wall. Merlin blinked a few times, confused. It looked awfully like his own bed. Whatever. Pillows, blankets, more blankets, towels, a tub… a tub? He had wanted a… ah, there was the bucket, more torches. Whoa, too many torches. There, that was…

“M… Merlin?” Arthur started coughing immediately.

Merlin looked down, dumbfounded.

“What, now you want to talk? Are you crazy? Shut up!”

With that, Merlin stood up and tried to get the prince on his feet, too. Not an easy task, because Arthur was heavy like a horse. Finally, with some help from the prince, Merlin managed to get the other man on the bed. He pulled Arthur’s boots off, followed by his red leather waistcoat and the already sweat-soaked tunic. Then he pushed Arthur down on the bed, and opened his pants, taking them off.

Merlin saw the shivering prince grasping one of the blankets. “Not yet,” he said, laying the blanket to the side and wetting one linen towel with the lukewarm water. Then he carefully washed the prince from head to toe and afterwards he rubbed him dry with another towel. Another flick of his wrist, and a white… night gown appeared. That was… Merlin didn’t care. He wrestled the overwhelmed looking prince into it and then threw every blanket over him as well.

Now what? Right, Arthur had to drink something. Merlin got a cup with fresh water, held the prince’s head up and actually managed to get the whole water into him before Arthur started coughing again. The hoarse, racking coughs worried Merlin immensely. He knew that he would need some nightshade if the cold linen packing didn’t get the fever down but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what medicine Gaius used for a cough like that. Merlin could hear some sort of rattling sound in Arthur’s chest and he didn’t have to be a physician to know that this was not good at all.

While he looked down at the softly moaning man, Merlin wetted another towel and put it on Arthur’s forehead, stroking the sweat-matted hair back gently. The sorcerer felt totally out of his depth here. Oh, why hadn’t he listened more carefully when Gaius had been rambling on and on about various treatments. Of course Merlin knew a few healing spells; but right now he noticed that is was something completely different to try to heal a perfect stranger on the street or an already as good as dead Crown Prince, than to use any spell on an ill Arthur who was actually looking at him.

“Look, Arth… Sire…, you know what, forget that! Look, _Arthur_ , I know a few healing spells but I have no idea if any of them work so we just need to try to get your fever down, you have to drink as much as possible… maybe I’ll try to get some tea? With honey? Er… chicken soup! I remember Gaius said chicken soup is good for any cough, sniffles, whatever. If I can make grapes, I so can make chicken soup! But you have to promise me you…” Merlin broke off when he saw the beginning of a smile on the other man’s face. Arthur might be still wheezing and sweating but here was a definite smile on his face. And no matter how scared Merlin was or how sick Arthur was, that smile made Merlin breathe freely for the first time since Aneirin had told the prince his secret. The relief was actually so big that Merlin’s knees became weak and he sat down hard beside Arthur, blinking away tears.

The prince looked now a bit worryingly at Merlin, but before he could say something, the sorcerer raised a finger.

“Oh no, be still! Do me a favour, Arthur, and just try to breathe carefully and rest.” Merlin saw the prince at once relax a little more; so, Arthur liked it when he rambled. Rambling he could do. And so he did. “I will try to conjure some of Gaius herbal tea. Don’t look like that, it’s drinkable, especially with lots of honey. Actually you can only drink it with honey. See, I need honey, too. And chicken soup. Did you see the tub before? When I don’t get your fever down, I will make it come back and throw you in. Oh, hey, do you remember when this crazy physician almost killed Morgana and then your father? Yes? It was _me_ who healed your father. I had my hands on his ears! Believe me, I almost died because I was so afraid that…”

***

About twenty-four hours later, Merlin had long ago fallen silent. It didn’t matter anymore, Arthur couldn’t hear him. The prince was still breathing, barely. Nothing Merlin had tried had worked. By now, Merlin was sure that it had been actually himself who almost killed Arthur. In a desperate attempt to cool the prince’s body, he had indeed got the other man into a tub filled with cool water; Arthur had struggled weakly for awhile and then… he had lost consciousness. He hadn’t woken up again.

Merlin was sitting behind Arthur on the bed, the other man hoisted up against him. He was afraid when he laid Arthur flat on the bed, the prince would stop breathing completely. Nestling his right cheek against Arthur’s left, he whispered, “I’m so sorry. So sorry, Arthur. If you die here, it’s all my fault. You were right, I’m useless.” He huffed. “Do you know that the dragon told me it’s my destiny to protect you? Yes, I guess I told you that. I think I told you everything about me in the last hours. And now… I can’t even protect you from some sort of cough.”

Merlin fell quiet again for same time, rocking the prince slightly. He really didn’t know what do anymore. He had yelled for hours for Aneirin but the other warlock hadn’t appeared. Whether Aneirin had cursed Arthur with this sickness, or if it was just a simple cold that had become bad, Merlin didn’t know. He did know that there was one other chance… another thing to try. He could attempt to heal Arthur with magic… but he didn’t trust himself anymore. If he was that great warlock, then why hadn’t he been able to get them out of here? What would happen if the spell went wrong and he would kill Arthur? There was still hope, Arthur still breathed.

“I love you, you know that? No, you don’t. Even here I couldn’t tell you. I think that’s the reason why I never told you about my magic. I was afraid you’d send me away. Now I wish I had at least told you how I feel. I mean, I know… nothing can come out of this. I know you like women. But still, it isn’t so bad when someone loves you, is it? Even if it’s just me?”

Merlin closed his eyes, his cheek still against the prince’s, his right hand stroking softly through the blond hair.

“You would have been a great king, if I hadn’t been such an awful guardian. One thing; if you die I will follow. Maybe I can help in the afterlife?” Merlin sighed. “I wish I would dare to try and heal you with magic. But I don’t know if I can or if I will make things worse. I couldn’t stand up to Aneirin, no way. I’ve never met anyone so powerful. And if you became ill because of him I have no chance at all. I would probably kill you at once. Believe me, I….”

“Just try it.”

Merlin startled.

“Arthur?”

“Yeah. Either you kill me or you cure me. Both is…” Another coughing fit wrecked the body in Merlin’s arms, “… both is better than this.”

Merlin leaned side and forwards to look at the prince. Arthur’s eyes were glazed and feverish but the expression on his face was determined.

“Arthur, you’re awake.”

“Really?”

Merlin slid out from under Arthur’s body and propped him up on the pillows. Then he stood up and backed a few steps away. He stared for a few seconds at the prince who was again wheezing, and then raised his hand. Only to let it fall to his side again quickly.

“I can’t.”

“Do it.”

“Arthur, I can’t. What if I kill you? I would…”

“Merlin, you won’t kill me.”

“How do you know? You have no idea…”

“Hey, you told me hour after hour what a…” Coughing, strained wheezing breathing. “…what a great sorcerer you are. And more important… I trust you. I trust you. So… do it, please?”

Merlin stared again at the prince, and finally raised his hand again; and let it fall down a second time. Before Arthur could comment, Merlin shook his head. None of the spells from the book would work here, he just knew it. He had to try with his own, elementary magic. Merlin was a being of the old magic, and in a certain way, Arthur had been born by the old magic himself. So he just _reached out_ for Arthur.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then a sudden wind blew through the room, tearing on the blankets and Arthur’s hair. _My element, Air_ , Merlin thought dreamily. A second later, the many torches on the walls blazed with fire. Merlin could see the flames mirroring in the prince’s eyes. _And here is Arthur’s. Fire_. The last thing Merlin noticed was that Arthur sat up quickly, then darkness swallowed him.

***

Bloody hell. His head was hurting again.

On the other hand, he felt pretty cosy. Merlin opened his eyes slowly, got a glimpse at Arthur’s naked chest on which his head lay, and closed them immediately again. Better to stay unconscious for awhile and listen to the Arthur’s wonderful free breathing and to his heartbeat.

“Merlin?”

 _Ungh_. “Yeah?”

“You did it. No idea how and it was the weirdest feeling ever, but you did it. I told you so.”

The last sentence was important, of course. It told Merlin that Arthur was healthy again and back in his usual mood. _I told you so_. Indeed.

“That’s good for you, Arthur. That you knew before, I mean.”

Merlin was feeling a little insecure right now. He was still lying on Arthur’s chest, his right arm flung over Arthur’s waist and the prince kept his right arm around Merlin’s shoulder. Merlin wasn’t sure if he should move or sit up or if he just should try to spend as much time here as he could.

“Another thing, Merlin… what I’ve said after Aneirin told me… you know? I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t have… but I was really angry. I didn’t mean a thing. So please stop repeating this shit, okay? You are so not useless.”

For a few blessed innocent seconds, Merlin looked up at Arthur, smiling and not understanding at all. Then he remembered. The sorcerer drew back quickly, and if not for Arthur’s arm he would have fallen out of the bed.

“You were awake?”

“Yes. I know I should have said something, told you immediately. But… there was never the right time.”

“What is this, Arthur? Revenge?”

“No, not all.”

Saying that, Arthur drew Merlin right back, this time completely on top of the prince, and kissed him. Merlin’s brain made a few “wha? whu? huh?” noises, then it shut down.

***

“I think I love you, too.”

“You think?”

“I do. Love you, I mean.”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know.”

“Arthur!”

“It’s true. I just know it hit me over the head the moment I thought you had betrayed me. It didn’t improve things exactly.”

“You don’t say.”

“Mhm.”

“Sleep, Arthur.”

***

“It seems like you have learned your lesson?”

“Aneirin!”

Both men tried to scramble out of the bed, stopping abruptly. None of them wanted to face the other warlock naked.

Aneirin smiled; again that gentle smile that had creeped Merlin out so much a few days ago. As the black clothed man stepped nearer, Merlin started to frown. There was something about… suddenly, Arthur stiffened beside him and sat up.

“Who are you?” the prince asked. “I know you… I’m sure I know you. Your smile…” And then Arthur’s eyes became big.

Aneirin smile deepened. “It seems, Prince Arthur, that your eyes are open now,” he said in his deep voice. “No longer blinded by hate and fear.”

“But… but that can’t be. Or… are you… his father?”

Merlin didn’t say a word; he didn’t dare. He had the feeling he understood, as unbelievable as it seemed to be. That man wasn’t his father. He was…

“No, I’m not his father. My name is Aneirin. Myrddin. Fili. Emrys. But all those names don’t mean anything to me. My real name is Merlin.”

Arthur stared, open mouthed. Merlin didn’t know if he should look or not, it was a little creepy. This guy was old. And white haired. And bearded. And… _old_.

But since Arthur seemed to have retreated into some kind of demented state of mind, Merlin had to say something, at least. He looked in the generally direction of his other self and asked the question that had to be asked.

“Why? Why all of this? Alright, I get the whole love thing. But I loved him before. So why?”

The old wizard stroked through his white beard for awhile which made Merlin immediately swear to himself that he would _never_ grow a beard; it looked ridiculous.

All of a sudden, the other Merlin laughed.

“Remember, if you start meddling with things, you won’t be able to stop. But you already know this, I guess. And as old as you may become, this will never change. Alright, I will tell you a few things, as long as I can. Firstly, I told Prince Arthur you’re a warlock because there are dark times ahead of you. And I know, _I_ had waited far too long to tell him. _King_ Arthur will have you at his side, yes, as a counsel. But he will never completely trust you, not within his heart, because _Prince_ Arthur couldn’t trust you. Now he does trust you, and you are both young enough to build something solid on this trust. Secondly, the love… I had never acted. I had never dared. And then, suddenly, it had been too late. Oh, an advice from me to you, Prince Arthur, now that you know who holds your heart. Do yourself and someone else beside your manservant a favour. Don’t marry. You won’t get an heir anyway.”

Arthur made a sound like a toad. Merlin on the other hand, noticed something strange. He leaned forward as much as he could and asked, “what’s happening with you?”

Aneirin –Merlin- _Aneirin_ looked down at himself and smiled some more.

“It worked.”

“What do you mean? You’re… I can see through you!”

“And this is just as well. I will cease to exist. And that means, my work is almost done. Believe me, young warlock, I long for the darkness. But still, since I can’t seem to stop myself, more advice for _you_. Stop listening to the Dragon. Get the Sword back before someone else finds it. And stay away from every woman you see coming out of a lake! And for the sake of the Gods, don’t teach her _anything_! If you see that druid boy again, don’t hesitate, no matter what. You know what you have to do. And…” the old warlock’s voice became thinner and thinner, as did his appearance, “don’t you ever forget: No one is like you. No one can defeat you, as long as you don’t give them the means to do so.”

With that, Aneirin was gone.

***

Merlin and Arthur had just barely the chance to look at each other, when the stone walls, their bed and everything else vanished and they found themselves sitting on their arses in the woods, thankfully clothed.

Arthur opened his mouth and closed it again a few times; he looked like a fish. Before he could utter one word, Merlin jumped him. _Best to not let him think too much_ , Merlin decided. A few seconds later, Arthur was clearly not thinking anything beside _How can I drive my manservant wild in one minute? Maybe if I push him down in the weeds and lie on top of him?_ Merlin moaned and pondered with the last functioning part of his brain, what it had been his older self had said or done that made Arthur behave like this. The prince acted as he would like to eat him alive. This image brought another with it and Merlin just threw his head back and moaned a little louder while Arthur bit his neck. Just… _please don’t let it be the beard_.

Of course, the moment things got real interesting and Arthur wasn’t at eye level anymore, they both heard branches crackle behind them. They parted quickly but not quickly enough. Sir Gawain stared at them with an indescribable expression on his face. Arthur jumped to his feet, while Merlin tried to close his open shirt and pants and finally gave up and just drew his knees to his chest. Great. They were back for what? Ten minutes? And already somebody stumbled over them.

“Er… Gawain…”

Sir Gawain made weird, choppy movements with his right hand before his face.

“I have seen nothing, sire. Nothing at all.”

“We were just….”

“Yes. Yes, of course. You were hunting the boar. Did you get him… it! Did you get it?”

By now, both men were red-faced and Merlin hid his grin behind his knees. He liked Gawain.

“No! Er… how long…?”

“Maybe an hour, sire?”

“Alright. Maybe it’s best we’re going back to the castle. Lead the way to the others, Gawain, we will be following shortly.”

“Of course, Sire.”

After a little bow, Gawain almost ran away. Merlin looked up at Arthur and smiled broadly.

“An hour? And I’m almost naked and you’re perfectly dressed? You know what he will think? That you worshipped me for about an hour.”

“Shut up.”

***

Later at night, both of them were lying in Arthur’s bed which was so much more comfortable than the small bed in their prison. Arthur lay half on top of his manservant, and Merlin had his nose and mouth buried in his blond hair and just breathed him in.

“Arthur?”

“Hm?”

“Are you alright with all this?”

“Mhm. Strangely I am.”

“Even with the… not marrying part? No heir part?”

Arthur sighed. “I kind of believed the whole ‘no heir part’. And it wouldn’t be fair to marry some woman anyway.” He leaned up on one elbow and kissed Merlin’s nose, at once smiling at Merlin’s grimace. “And as a wise man some day told me, I can do anything when I’m the King.” This got Arthur a heated kiss; but before things got more serious, the prince raised his head again and looked at the warlock for awhile.

“Merlin?”

“Hm?”

“You know, that beard…”

Merlin groaned.

  
The End.


End file.
